Sometimes I got nothing

The man tells me about his recent problems. We'll call him D____. Turns out, while D____ was busting his hump working the night shift, some snake slithered in and stole his wife. He's now struggling with suicidal and homocidal thoughts. He makes it clear to me, he's not just thinking of killing the other guy, no, no. "I don't just mean kill him, I mean tear him apart, rip him up, do horrible things to him and kill him." He's nearly in tears as he says this, because up until this happened to him, he was a relatively gentle person... ready to take personal offense rather than give offense to others. It's terrifying D____ that these thoughts and feelings are in him. He trembles, and closes his eyes. I just looked at him and said, "I'm sorry this is happening to you," realizing that sometimes I got nothing to say.

In other news: I got nothing against the practice of medicine, per se. I mean, Luke was a physician and all. But what's up with the interrogation session at every doctor visit? "Does anyone in the home smoke?" "You don't have any guns, right?" "Oh, but you do keep the ammo away from the guns, all locked up?" Ugh! What kind of Nazi garbage is this? Yeah, I smoke my pipe while I show the kids how to load and unload my .357 revolver, with dead batteries in the smoke detectors to boot! So what?!!! :P

A Quote

This quote appeared in the most recent email update from Soli Deo Gloria Books:

"Serve Christ; back Him; let His cause be your cause. Do not give a hair’s breadth of truth away, for it is not yours, but God’s."
— Samuel Rutherford

Sola Fide, from the Heidelberg

Q60: How are you righteous before God?

A60: Only by true faith in Jesus Christ:[1] that is, although my conscience accuses me, that I have grievously sinned against all the commandments of God, and have never kept any of them,[2] and am still prone always to all evil;[3] yet God, without any merit of mine,[4] of mere grace,[5] grants and imputes to me the perfect satisfaction,[6] righteousness and holiness of Christ,[7] as if I had never committed nor had any sins, and had myself accomplished all the obedience which Christ has fulfilled for me;[8] if only I accept such benefit with a believing heart.[9]

1. Rom. 3:21-25; Gal. 2:16; Eph. 2:8-9; Phil. 3:9
2. Rom. 3:9-10
3. Rom. 7:23
4. Titus 3:5
5. Rom. 3:24; Eph. 2:8
6. I John 2:2
7. I John 2:1; Rom. 4:4-5; II Cor. 5:19
8. II Cor. 5:21
9. John 3:18; Rom. 3:28; 10:10

Q61: Why do you say that you are righteous by faith only?

A61: Not that I am acceptable to God on account of the worthiness of my faith, but because only the satisfaction, righteousness and holiness of Christ is my righteousness before God;[1] and I can receive the same and make it my own in no other way than by faith only.[2]

1. I Cor. 1:30; 2:2
2. I John 5:10; Isa. 53:5; Gal. 3:22; Rom. 4:16

Q62: But why cannot our good works be the whole or part of our righteousness before God?

A62: Because the righteousness which can stand before the judgment seat of God must be perfect throughout and entirely conformable to the divine law,[1] but even our best works in this life are all imperfect and defiled with sin.[2]

1. Gal. 3:10; Deut. 27:26
2. Isa. 64:6; James 2:10; Phil. 3:12

Q63: Do our good works merit nothing, even though it is God's will to reward them in this life and in that which is to come?

A63: The reward comes not of merit, but of grace.[1]

1. Luke 17:10; Rom. 11:6

Q64: But does not this doctrine make men careless and profane?

A64: No, for it is impossible that those who are implanted into Christ by true faith, should not bring forth fruits of thankfulness.[1]

1. Matt. 7:18; Rom. 6:1-2; John 15:5

"When there´s lightning...

You know it always brings me down..." R.J.D.

On Saturday we got caught in a nice storm, with lightning and thunder, and big rain. After the storm, the kids spotted a rainbow, which was cool. Two girls came up to us and asked if we made a wish on the rainbow. Cole said, "no." Conner said, "no." Calle said, "no." I said, "no," and told the little girl that we aren't wishers and that wishes don't come true anyway. I hate to ruin a little girl's fun, but I figured superstition shouldn't be fun, and it's probably best to break her heart now. It'll only hurt more later.

Toad Wisdom

"You will be successful in your digestion."

~ words of wisdom from the toad.

Ok, ok, I'll tell you about some ice cream!

With all the hoopla going on about what ice cream I recommend, I figured I'd better put this thing to rest before there's some kind of a riot. I'm not saying the following is my favorite, but I am recommending that everyone give it a try. It's good!

Phillies Graham Slam

This is good ice cream. Turkey Hill's "Phillies Graham Slam" ice cream is, of course, named after the baseball team that hardly ever hits a grand slam, the Philadelphia Phillies, which are themselves named after a brand of cigar!

It's smooth, creamy, and delicious (the ice cream, not the baseball team, nor the cigar). The ice cream itself is graham cracker flavored, and there are swirls of graham cracker ripple throughout, and intermingled are these little chocolate marshmallow cups, which are yummy and should be sold just by themselves they're so good. If you see this ice cream, give it a try. Me and the kids sure tore it up.

Love Blues for my baby

I love the way you love me,
an' I love the way you comb your hair.
I love the way you love me baby,
Love the way you comb your hair.
If it was left up to me baby,
You wouldn't never get to go no where

~K. Moore (Keb' Mo').

Knox's Dying Words

Excerpted from The Death of John Knox by Samuel Clarke.

In my life I have been often assaulted by Satan, and many times he hath cast in my teeth my sins, to bring me to despair; yet God enabled me to overcome all his temptations: and now that subtile Serpent who never easeth to tempt, hath taken another course, and seeks to preswade me that my labours in the Ministry, and the fidelity I have shewn in that service, hath merited Heaven and immortality: but blessed be God that brought to my mind these Scriptures. What hast thou, that thou hast not received? And, Not I, but the Grace of God in me: with which he is gone away ashamed, and shall no more return. And now I am sure that my Battel is at an end; and that without pain of Body, or trouble of Spirit, I shall shortly change this mortal and miserable Life, with that happy and immortal Life which shall never have an end.

To which Clarke adds, "Prayers being ended; he was asked, if he heard them? he answered, would to God you had heard them with such an ear and heart as I have done. Adding; Lord, Jesus receive my Spirit. After which words without any motion of hands or feet, as one falling a sleep rather than dying, he ended his Life."

Let's get one thing straight...

Gymnastics is NOT a sport. Now stop your chirping and listen to me. I'm not saying it isn't athletic, and I'm not saying that it isn't difficult. I'm saying it isn't a sport. If there is music and a "dance element" to your activity, that activity is not a sport. If the "winner" of your activity is arbitrarily determined by judges whose job it is to figure out who did the best out of several identical performances, it's not a sport. A sport should be clear cut. Who can get to that line first? Who can score the most points, where doing a specific act earns you points? Who can lift the heaviest weight? This stuff is what sports is about, not muscular guys and gals prancing around in liatards, with announcers talking about how fired up the crowd is because of the music that was selected. That's some kind of queer party, not a sport. Having said that, I can't do any of that stuff they're doing. I'd pull a hammy or something. Oh, and here's to Canada's gold medal in... what was it in? Oh, well. I guess the Winter Games are what's important there. Speaking of which...
Figure skating is NOT a sport.

Go figure, I'm Augustine's Confessions.

You're Confessions!

by St. Augustine

You're a sinner, you're a saint, you do not feel ashamed. Well, you might feel a little ashamed of your past, but it did such a good job of teaching you what not to do. Now you've become a devout Christian and have spent more time ruminating on the world to come rather than worldly pleasures. Your realizations and ability to change will bring reverence upon you despite your hedonistic transgressions. Florida will honor you most in the end.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I'm not all that thrilled with the above description of what it means to be Augustine's Confessions, but it's a pretty cool result to get from one of these stupid quizzes.

The bar's open

"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more." -- Proverbs 31:6, 7.

Ok, I'm serving up drinks and listening to your sob stories. Drunks will be tossed out, so mind your P's and Q's.

What'll ya have, and what's your sorry tale?

Frog in my throat, frog in my car.

I'm still hacking up a lung, but what I'd really rather blog about the frog. Last night, as I was was pulling out of work, I noticed a medium sized frog hopping across the road. Hop, hop, ho! I think I hit it. Wait, no I didn't. Pull over, cuz I'm catching that bad boy for my kids. What to put it in? Ah, I'll just hold it until I get home. It's only 15 minutes. Hey, this thing's slimey. Whoop, there it went, down on the floor. Oh, well, I guess it's safe there for 10 more minutes. So, I get home, and turn on the dome light, and .... where's the frog? Well, it's probably under the seat. I'll get a flashlight and get down on the floor.... huh? no frog. Couldn't find it last night, after a detailed search. Couldn't find it this morning with the help of the kids, in another detailed search. I am the laughing stock of ... well, myself. I've become my own proverb: The fool cannot find a frog in a car with both hands and flashlight. Write that down, people.

Oh well, I guess eventually I'll find it when the smell comes into play. "Jerry, what do you have in the car that smells like a dead frog?" That'd be the dead frog, darling, wanna help me find it?

The Alabama Weather Blog

The Alabama Weather Blog

I'm just checking out the new blogger thingy at the top of blogspot blogs. Blog blog blog. Instead of advertisements, there are not buttons that say "next blog" (which, I guess randomly, goes to another blog to read), and there's also a "blog this" button. So, I hit "next blog" and got to the Alabama Weather Blog, and then I hit "blog this" to comment on it. Anyway, I don't live in Alabama, have never been to Alabama, and have experienced exactly no weather in Alabama of any kind whatsoever. All I know about weather in Alabama comes from the song that goes "Sweet home, Alabama. Where the skies are so blue." But if you wanna read more about weather in Alabama, visit the Alabama Weather Blog.

A Caution to Covenanters

This caution applies to me too. It can be easy to let our Christianity be mere intellectual entertainment, rather than a genuine saving interest in Christ and a self-denying life of obedience to Him. We are called to know and to profess the truth, no doubt. But we are also called to live it out. "But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" (2nd Peter 3:18). Covenanters may vigorously defended the public Covenants (as they well should), and yet neglect something very basic and essential about Covenantal Christianity. The following words by Archibald Mason are by way of warning to all of us claiming to be Covenanters:

If we pretend to be friends to our public covenants, and profess ourselves to be under their obligation; and are, at the same time, destitute of an interest in God, as our God in Christ, our public profession, though never so right, will aggravate our condemnation at the last. Let us therefore be careful about the reality of our personal religion; for, if we want this, no profession can compensate the defect. In order unto our being personally in covenant with God, a knowledge and conviction of the misery and guilt of our natural state, by the covenant of works; of the way of our recovery thro' Jesus Christ, by the covenant of grace; and a taking hold of him, and of that covenant of which he is the Mediator, in the exercise of a saving faith, are of absolute and indispensable necessity. O, then, let these things be our chief concern. Personal covenanting with God should also be diligently studied. It consists in the Christian's taking hold of God's covenant, as all his salvation and desire, and in devoting himself unto the Lord, to serve and glorify him, in the strength of his grace, all the days of his life. These solemn transactions betwixt God and the soul tend greatly to promote the exercise of true religion in the heart, and contribute much to the Christian's enjoying the comfort of it. It must be exceedingly absurd, for persons to profess a zeal for public covenants with God, who have never, in a religious and spiritual manner, entered into a personal covenant with him. Of all such the Lord will say, This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. Let Christians then be careful, while they manifest a becoming zeal for our public vows unto God, that they be personally interested in God, as their covenant-God in Christ.

Let us be Covenanters, and let us be true Covenanters.

... blowing through the jasmine in my mind.

It's been a fun week. Hurricane Charley, originally on a crash course for Central PA, headed east and puttered out, bringing nothing more than a summer breeze. My grieviously drunken family member had another run in with local law enforcement, this time resulting in an involuntary commitment to a psychiatric unit. Still waiting on an update on that little situation. I still got this little summer cold that dropped down into my chest, as my colds always do, and I can't shake it. I tried dehydrating myself and running the air-conditioner constantly, as per Cheryl and Cathie's directions, availing only minor improvements.

In other news: Yesterday was my 12th wedding anniversary. I'll be celebrating tonight by either going on a violent rampage, or by going out for something to eat with my beloved. At this point, I'm leaning heavily towards the latter, so I hope we can land a babysitter. Well, I better get off the net, as it has recently been revealed that I am 2nd in internet usage in my entire place of employment. I'm still trying to figure out who's behind I've got to kick to be #1.

A Word From Dr. Luther

"WHAT a beautiful, comforting Gospel that is in which the Lord Christ depicts Himself as the Good Shepherd; showing what a heart He has toward us poor sinners, and how we can do nothing to save ourselves.

"The sheep cannot defend nor provide for itself, nor keep itself from going astray if the shepherd did not continually guide it; and when it has gone astray and is lost, it cannot find its way back again nor come to its shepherd; but the shepherd himself must go after it, and seek it until he find it; otherwise it would wander and be lost forever. And when he has found it he must lay it on his shoulder and carry it, lest it should again be frightened away from himself, and stray, or be devoured by the wolf.

"So also is it with us. We can neither help nor counsel ourselves, nor come to rest and peace of conscience, nor escape the devil, death, and hell, if Christ Himself, by His word, did not fetch us, and call us to Himself. And even when we have come to Him, and are in the faith, we cannot keep ourselves in it, unless he lifts and carries us by His Word and power, since the devil is everywhere and at all times on the watch to do us harm. But Christ is a thousand times more willing and earnest to do all for His sheep than the best shepherd."

--from Watchwords for the Warfare of Life.

Hand me downs

I guess at some point back in the day, folks used to store things up on the wall, way up high, so far up that they needed help reaching things. This is evidenced by several songs where the protagonist is asking for his woman to get something down off the wall for him, because things have become intolerable. There are several variations of the blues song "Look on Yonders Wall" (or "Look on Yonder Wall") floating around out there. The items in question appear to be useful things, such as walking canes: "Look on yonder wall, hand me down my walking cane" (Look on Yonder Wall, as sung by Elmore James). Other times a hat is also included: "Hand me down my walking cane, hand me down my hat" (Rubberband Man, as performed by the Spinners). Sometimes it's a gun that's requested: "Look on the wall, baby, hand me down my shootin' iron" (Boot Hill as performed by Stevie Ray Vaughan). Of course, let's not leave out the bathtub hooch: "Hand me down, hand me down my moonshine" (Luther Allison). Well now, I've certainly sometimes felt so fed up with things that I'd like to tell my wife to hand me down something, but we just don't have these kinds of things on the walls. What am I gonna say? "Look on yonder wall, hand me down my... little ceramic monkey that we got free with that box of Red Rose tea." That's not doing it. Not only that, I'm 6' 1'' and my wife's nearly a full foot shorter than I am. She ain't gonna be handing me down anything! Oh well, so much for the days of short men and the things they hung on the wall.

Answers to Jerry's Quiz

1. Remember what the doormouse said?

Feed your head.

2. Who was the left-handed judge?

Ehud the Deliverer was the left-handed judge.

3. The "pit" in "pit viper" refers to what?

Pit vipers are called so for the pits they have near their nostrils which help them to detect heat.

4. Friend or foe?

The correct answer is friend. Anyone answering foe flunks automatically.

5. Luther, Zwingli, or Calvin?

Calvin.

6. Was the bishop's death murder?

Plenty of folks got half a point for “no.” But I’m the quiz-master, and I say that the best answer is “I don’t know,” “I wasn’t there,” “I don’t have to answer that,” or “Not necessarily, but we should judge charitably.” These are the common answers to the question recorded in A Cloud of Witnesses.

7. What are the five bastard sacraments?

The correct answer is matrimony, holy orders, penance, confirmation, and extreme unction. They are referred to as the Pope’s “five bastard sacraments” in Scotland’s National Covenant.

8. What do Paul's epistles to Timothy, Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress, and Hitler's Mein Kampf have in common?

All three of the works were written from a prison cell.

9. Fill in the spam: "If you are paying more than 3.6% on your mortgage, we can _____ your monthly payment!"

The correct answer is SLASH!

10. Someone tells you he's from New Jersey, what is the very next question you must ask him?

Which exit?

I'll be tallying the scores and posting them in the comments shortly.

Hawaii

My grievously intoxicated loved one has been lately begging me to come along on an all expenses paid two week vacation in Hawaii. Of course, I can't bring my "big family" on this trip, it has to be just me. Like all important decisions in my life, I decided to let this up to the popular vote of friends and strangers that read my blog. So, in the words of The Clash, "Should I stay, or should I go?"

In other news: I'll be posting my answers to my quiz at some point, maybe today or tomorrow. So get your answers in soon. Also, I have a summer cold that is really bothering me. It's not bad enough to knock me out, just bad enough to make my daily activities to be exhausting labors. If this keeps up, I may be calling Dr. Jägermeister for treatment, if you get my drift. Don't get me wrong, no overdosing like my grieviously intoxicated loved one, but just enough to "make glad the heart of man."

Alright. Back to work. Don't forget to vote.

Christ, all in all.

A wise friend of mine once wrote, "Sometimes life can allow one to get so caught in theology, that we miss that closeness of that countenance of love from He who is the Truth." This is so very true. Lately, amidst accusations of my being a unrepentent liar, a cultist, and several other such things, I found it needful to get back to basics, as it were, and focus on that One of whom we ought never to lose focus. I found these words from a Samuel Ward sermon on Colossians 3:11 --

All let him be in all thy loves, and above all other beloveds; when thou hast gotten him, think not enough to make much of him, but remember he well deserves to be, and must be, all in all. Take him not by the hand, but embrace him with both thine arms of love, and hold him with all thy might; love him till thou be sick of love for him; such as will suffice any one ordinary object, wife, friend, health, or wealth, will not give him content, nay, not a compound of many, but a catholicon of all; as he hath deserved, so he deservedly challengeth. All thy weak rivulets united will scarce make one current strong enough for him. He that did all suffered all, took all thine infirmities, finished all for thee; is it not reason he should be all in all, without any corrival in thy affections? Such as entertain princes can never think they shew love enough unto them, and shall anything be enough for this Prince of our peace and salvation? I cannot but reverence the memory of that reverend divine, who, being in a deep muse after some discourse that had passed of Christ, and tears trickling abundanlty from his eyes before he was aware, being urged for the cause thereof, confessed ingenuously it was because he could not draw his dull heart to prize Christ aright. A rare mind in Christians, who think every little enough, and too much for him.

A Quiz

We're going on the honor system, so no googling for answers!

1. Remember what the doormouse said?

2. Who was the left-handed judge?

3. The "pit" in "pit viper" refers to what?

4. Friend or foe?

5. Luther, Zwingli, or Calvin?

6. Was the bishop's death murder?

7. What are the five bastard sacraments?

8. What do Paul's epistles to Timothy, Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress, and Hitler's Mein Kampf have in common?

9. Fill in the spam: "If you are paying more than 3.6% on your mortgage, we can _____ your monthly payment!"

10. Someone tells you he's from New Jersey, what is the very next question you must ask him?

Come on, play along. It'll be fun. I PROMISE.

America's going to Hell.

In stark contrast to the last post on the benefits of a nation being in covenant with God, today's offering is a small taste of the brazen whorish baby-killing abominations America has addicted herself to.

This link has been floating around some blogs, and caught my attention. Oddly enough, this story of confessed double homocide by hire is printed under the HEALTH section of Florida's Herald Tribune. The story pretends to be about a woman who is pregnant with a set of twins and a single (for a total of three for you math flunkies), having a "selective reduction" procedure done, because, "There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples.... it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma." When the devil get's his grips so firmly around people, he can afford to be less subtle because they've already been sufficiently deluded. This article mocks anyone with eyes to see. The REAL reason for murdering the twins is CLEARLY revealed in this article for all to read, and for so few to truly understand. The woman's reason for injecting heart-stopping potassium chloride into the hearts of two of her babies is nothing more than,

I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?

.... Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: ...now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise.

And so we see the true value of human life. Don't want to be put out by buying big jars of mayonnaise at Costco? Then let's solve that little problem with double homocide. I wonder if this was O.J.'s back-up defense in case plan one (the "the cop used the N-word" defense) didn't go well?

Ok, well, I'm going to go vomit and have some coffee. Hopefully I won't bump into anyone today that is too inconvenienced by me!

BTW, I'm the father of multiples (twins), and now have a total of 6 children, and on my meager one income, we've never once bought a jar of mayonnaise at Costco.

In other news: Drudgereport is reporting a plan by the Republicans to eliminate the IRS altogether! FINALLY someone has a good idea!

Some benefits of Covenanted peoples

With such benefits as these, what Church or Nation, in their right mind, would break Covenant, or refuse to Covenant, with God???

A people, that have publicly covenanted with God, will enjoy many precious and Christian privileges from the Lord, among which the following may be mentioned. A church constituted among them according to the rule of the word; the preaching of the everlasting gospel, and the dispensation of the other ordinances of divine institution, as means both for the conversion of sinners, and for the edification of believers; the scriptural government of the church, and the proper ordering of her affairs, through the instrumentality of office-bearers, who are appointed by the Lord Christ; the faithful administration of the censures of the house of God, for the benefit of all concerned; kings who shall be nursing fathers, and their queens who shall be nursing mothers unto the church; and a multitude of benefits, arising from the holy example, religious advice, and effectual fervent prayers of the godly among them. These are by no means small privileges, they are blessings that are exceeding great. —- Upon a nation in covenant with him, the Lord will bestow many temporal benefits. When a nation's ways, in this respect, please the Lord, he causeth even their enemies to be at peace with them, and will remove war far from their borders. He will cause the earth to yield her increase unto them, and will lay no famine upon them. In all their concerns they shall have the blessing of God, and shall enjoy that prosperity in all things, that is for his glory and their real benefit. With respect to the blessedness of a people in this situation, we may say, Happy art thou, O Israel; who is like unto thee, O people saved by the Lord, the shield of thy help, and who is the sword of thy excellency? [Deut. 33.29.] A view of the privileges of a covenanted land, made David cry out, Happy is that people whose God is the Lord. [Psalm 144.15.]

-- from Observations on the Covenants Betwixt God and the Church, a Discourse, by Archibald Mason.