Monday, January 31, 2005

You people don't get it, do you?



" I walk in these shoes
when I feel it's the blues,
if it ain't it will do..."

~~ from Shoes, by King's X.

Most of the snow is cleared from the streets, but as usual, the parking lot at my place of employment is still good and slick in some places. I parked on an incline, and to save time and energy, I slid down the parking lot in a sustained, controlled slide, until I reached a portion of the parking lot where no snow/ice lay. Entering the building, I noticed my shoe was squeeking. When I sat at my desk, I noticed that the sole of my shoe is split right across the ball of my foot! I mean, I'm practically barefoot! I need new shoes, and I need them right now. If you're reading this, and have extra shoes, please send them ASAP.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

This Life

"This life therefore is not righteousness but growth in righteousness; not health but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not what we shall be but we are growing toward it; the process is not yet finished but it is going on; this is not the end but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified."

~~Martin Luther, In Defense of All the Articles.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Alcohol Test

I took an "Alcohol Test." Some of the things I knew for sure, and others I just winged it. Well, turns out I'm BOURBON:

Congratulations! You're 116 proof!

Interesting, if not true: "Compared to users who took the test and are and in your age group: 100% had lower proof scores."

Puritan Evangelism

The Puritans were fishers of men, seeking to awaken the unconverted to their need of Christ, to lead them to faith and repentance, and to establish them in a lifestyle of sanctification.

~~ Joel Beeke.

Friday, January 28, 2005

The best made plans yadda yadda yadda.

Sometimes things just don't work out like you want, and next thing you know women are angry, the toilet's overflowing, kids are crying, I'm an idiot drinking rum and Hawaiian Punch and still smelling like garlic, and people don't get their license plates. You know?

The internet is strange.

Chickens are awesome fun. I love chickens.Chickens make the Earth spin around the chickeny Sun. I love chickens (in case you haven't noticed already!) I am obessed with chickens.
Ever since chickens came into my life, I have been a happy person. chickens are my favorite. So is smiling, but chickens are better, obviously. I LOVE CHICKENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(An entry on a blog I saw today)

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Close call! Cool pic.

Yow! Looks like a shark, eh? Nope! It's a dolphin!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Just for kicks and giggles...

At the urging of a friend of mine, I overhead paged myself at work... and made no attempt at disguising my voice. A co-worker came into my office and said, "Did you just overhead page yourself?" I said, "Yes. And I'm beginning to worry that I'm not going to answer."

Amish Tobacco Fight

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Well, it wasn't exactly a fight, but today I had the pleasure of witnessing a discussion between an old order Mennonite, and an Amishman, about tobacco. Mr. H. is old order Mennonite, and Mr. S. is Amish. The following discussion took place within a conversation which was not about tobacco at all:

(Mennonite) Mr. H, speaking of an Amish young man, said, "He doesn't like to hear the Pastor preach, because the Pastor smokes."

(Amish) Mr. S. responds, "Well, he's wrong."

Mr. H: "Well, I'm against smoking tobacca. I was brought up that way. The body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, and we ought not to destroy it with tobacca."

Mr. S: "Many Amish bought farms, and land, and houses for their families on tobacca, so we can't damn it. It can be used for different things. Tobacca can be a good insecticide. I can't condemn it."

Mr. H: "When I was a boy all the families around us grew tobacca, but we never did. My father was against it. The other families around would ask me and my brothers to help them with the tobacca, but we were never allowed to. I'm just against it."

Mr. S: "Well, you should've been with us in the stripping barn! Oh, the fun we had!"

Time out a second while I re-light my pipe... Ok, good. Just so you don't get confused, a "stripping barn" is the place where the leaves are picked and packed after they are dried. Mr. S. and I walked together a bit, and I asked him if his family still grows tobacco. "Nah, not anymore. The money's not there. But my father was able to buy land and houses for all his children on tobacca." He also told me that when he was young, everybody smoked cigars, which he thought was just fine, as they tend to be smoked in moderation, "but now everybody's smoking cigarettes, cigarettes, cigarettes. I don't know how they do it." I told Mr. S. that I smoke a pipe, just a pinch or two to relax. "Oh, yeah," he said with a smile. And that ended our tobacco portion of the conversation. It was interesting, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to talk with these men, as I've always been curious about this topic and how the Amish and Mennonite in the area view it.

In other news: Tonight we had Chicken and 40 Cloves, and it was vunderful gut!

And I just got off the phone with J-Munny, which was really really nice.

Monday, January 24, 2005

5 Quick Things About Me

1. I once listened to Bob Dylan's "Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" very carefully three times in a row. The song is over 10 minutes long. And I have it on right now.

2. I don't like eating outside.

3. I once won a bronze medal competing in the adult male division of a karate tournament, at age 17. I also got a bronze in the AAU East Coast Championships, but was thoroughly whooped by a guy twice my size at Nationals. I'm still embarrassed. Now I can barely beat up my kids!

4. I took German and Latin in high school, and don't remember any of it. Sigh.

5. I don't do "cold" well.

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More on the phone call...

A little more about the draining phone calls I mentioned in the last post. A family member called to let me know, among other things, that I'm stupid, a cheat, and that the only reason I'm a Christian today, is because this family member "loved Christ first." "I loved Christ first!" Now, I have a problem with this assertion for several reasons. First, I seem to recall a verse in the Bible that says that the only reason I'm a Christian because GOD loved ME first, but maybe I'm remembering that wrong. Second, as a Calvinist, I have a hard time with any assertion that anyone's salvation is procured by any mere human's love for God. Thirdly, all credibility was pretty much shot before this last thing ever happened, but the icing on the cake came near the end of the "conversation" when I was bid farewell with a hearty "So f*** you!" Anyway, that's how things have been going with my "loved ones." So, I feel pretty sick of it all, and very much estranged and alone. Oh well.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Arctic Blast

Boy did I just have a draining couple of phone calls. Sometimes I feel like people are trying to drain me of any and all emotional attachment or investment in people. And sometimes I think they've succeeded.

Why do nice people die too soon, while other people live so long? I guess that's one of those mystery questions of life, like "Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"

Speaking of being cold, it's time to get ready for the seasons first snow storm. The real snow is supposed to hit us just in time to bury my car, so I can shovel it out and drive to work during the snow storm. I think I need to move south where the weather suits my clothes.

Come on, let's have 'em!

The smell of bacon frying in the pan.... and my ugly mug first thing in the morning! Come on bloggers, let's see some first thing in the morning pics!


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

My Pathetic Travels

I'm counting only states that I've actually visited... that is, that I purposefully went to and stayed for a while. I'm NOT counting states I merely drove through on my way somewhere else (West Virginia, states down the eastern seaboard on the way to Florida), nor places I got lost in by accident (Delaware), nor places people tell me I visited as a kid but have no recollection of actually going there (New York State).

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
I'm a regular Magellan.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Let's get one thing straight...

There is nothing wrong with a man taking Pamprin!

Let me explain. During this past week of flu-family-fun, there were a couple of days where I was having terrible stiffness and pain in my neck, shoulders, and upper back. Tylenol was not doing the trick. My wife recommended Pamprin. Yes, Pamprin! It's the only thing that works when she has those crampy thingies, you know... don't make me get into this here. She says they work even after delivering a baby. So, hey, I took some. Sho' nuff, it helped. My dad, after hearing of his boy taking such a girly medication, recommended Aleve, says dad, works well for his back aches. Aleve is a much more manly medicine, so my wife went to the store today to find some... and she discovered a very interesting thing when comparing labels.

Pamprin: Active ingredient = Naproxen sodium 220 mg (naproxen 200 mg).

Aleve: Active ingredient = Naproxen sodium 220 mg (naproxen 200 mg).


So men, you need not be ashamed of taking Pamprin. I know I have no shame in doing so.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Yo, Adrienne!

BAM! Word is, the missing tooth is "somewhere in the attic."

Samurai Fever

I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. How do you like me now? Dig this get up. You know you're one bad dude when you have a mustache on your face armor!

You know what? Maybe I should eat something. I think I'm a little delirious from being feverish and not eating much for the past few days. But if I'm not delirious, then you better FEAR MY SWIFT AND DEADLY SWORD! Yeah, I better eat something.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Sick. All of us sick. Yuck.

Saturday, January 08, 2005


Haiku is Japanese poetry consisting of 3 lines -- 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, and 5 again in the third. Write a haiku about your job, and put them in the comments.

Here's mine:

No soundness of mind
Found between these walls of mine
Myself at times too!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Where does this guy live?

Oliver Stone is blaming his flop of a film about Alexander the Great on "a raging fundamentalism in morality" in the United States.

Raging morality? Would someone please tell me where this morality is raging, cuz I might like to live there!

Monday, January 03, 2005

Pagan Curses on Covenant-Breakers.

It was missing for awhile, but I found it. The Ancient Near East, Vol. II: A New Anthology of Texts and Pictures, edited by James B. Pritchard. I’m reading from the Vassal-Treaties of Esarhaddon. Esarhaddon (son of Sennacherib) was the king of Assyria, and this treatise was a covenant between Esarhaddon and Baal, king of Tyre, binding Tyre to serve Esarhaddon and his princes, Ashurbanipal (of Assyria) and Shamashshumukin (crown prince designate of Babylonia). Typical of the covenants of the day, it ends with a series of curses to those who break the bond (it has been noted that Deuteronomy resembles the literary style of an ancient near-eastern vassal-treatise, complete with curses at the end for those who break the covenant). Some of the curses enumerated in the Vassal-Treaties are quite creative considering that modern curses consist of little more than commands to go do various things to yourself. Some of the more interesting examples of the curses:

84. Just as a honeycomb is pierced through and through with holes, so may holes be pierced through and through in your flesh, the flesh of your women, your brothers, your sons and daughters while you are alive.

86. May they squash you as a fly in the hand of your enemies, may your enemies mash you.

92. May they cause you, your brothers, your sons and daughters to go backwards like a crab.

97. Just as the squeak produced by this door pivot, so may you, your women, your sons and daughters never rest nor sleep, not even your bones should stay together.

103. Just as (this) shoe is slit, [… so may your shoe be slit] in a terrain of thorns […].
My personal favorite?

87. Just as this bedbug stinks, so may your breath stink before God, king, and men.

I’m not pronouncing curses on anyone, mind you. It’s just interesting to me how graphic these curses were, and how seriously even the ancient pagans viewed the crime and sin of covenant breaking.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

A Prayer of John Calvin

... [L]et us prostrate ourselves before the majesty of our good God, in acknowledging our offenses: Beseeching him that it would please him to take from us the wicked affections which might turn us away from him, and from his service: and that we might forget all whatsoever might turn us from the right way of salvation, that we desire nothing but that we may attain to that everlasting life, which we look for in heaven. That it would please him not to suffer us to live here like brute beasts, not knowing to what end we were created in this world: but that we might acknowledge him to be our Creator, our Father and Savior, that we might subject ourselves unto him as his creatures, and obey him as true and faithful Children, until such time as he shall take us out of this world to make us partakers of that everlasting bliss, and immortal inheritance, which he hath prepared in Heaven, and which is purchased for us by our Lord Jesus Christ. That he will not only grant us this grace, but also unto all people and nations in the world, etc.
(The closing prayer of John Calvin after his sermon on Psalm 119:65-72 TETH).

Saturday, January 01, 2005


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I actually didn't make any conscious resolutions for this new year, but regardless of the imaginary deadline for resolutions, I suppose it's not too late to make some. I've not looked over this in a while... I forgot how good some of these are:

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards (1722-1723)

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.

2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new invention and contrivance to promote the aforementioned things.

3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.

5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don't hinder.

12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.

14. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.

15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.

16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

18. Resolved, to live so at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.

19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.

20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.

21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.

(Read the rest of Edwards' Resolutions).