The Importance of Gentleness and Kindness Towards the Wife

In the last post, I pointed out some helpful things from Calvin on anger in general. Continuing with adding to my thoughts (typing this stuff out helps me get it straight in my own head), I hope now to share some helpful material specifically addressing anger from a man towards his wife.

Sometimes your wife makes you angry, right? (crickets chirping)

It's ok, guys. This is a safe place. You just read, I'll take the heat for writing it.

It seems to me that women are somewhat like delicate flowers, which do not easily rebound once trampled upon. Now, no man would trample on flowers and expect them to bounce back to the same state in which they formerly were. And shall we emotionally trample our wives, and expect them to recover from that to their undamaged state, and be all lovey-dovey with us again? Sir, you might have more success bringing back those flowers you crushed!

I Peter 3:7 --

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Husbands must have a degree of knowledge to rightly dwell with their wives. Part of that knowledge is how to deal with those weaknesses that are of a womanly nature. I won't get into them specifically, so as to not provoke my female readers to anger! You think to yourselves what those weaknesses might be. In the meantime, let me quote some stuff I didn't write, so that I have an out. Well, let me quote it because I think it's good.

The Geneva Bible notes on this passage point out four arguments made here.

He also teaches husbands their duties, that is, that the more understanding and wisdom they have, the more wisely and circumspectly they behave themselves.... The more wisdom the husband has, the more circumspectly he must behave himself in bearing those inconveniences, which through the woman's weakness often cause trouble both to the husband and the wife.

The second argument: because the wife nonetheless is weaker by nature than the man, she is an excellent instrument of the man, made for far more excellent uses: upon which it follows that she is not therefore to be neglected, because she is weak, but on the contrary she ought to be so much more cared for.

...

The third argument: for that they are equal in that which is the most important (that is to say, in the benefit of eternal life) who otherwise are unequal concerning the leadership and conduct at home, and therefore they are not to be despised although they are weak.

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The fourth argument: All fighting and rebuking must be avoided, because they hinder prayers and the whole service of God, to which both the husband and wife are equally called.

Ok, fellas. Argument #1 says that the more wisdom we have, the more careful we must be with our wives. As Calvin notes that husbands must "remember that they need prudence to do rightly their duty. And doubtless many foolish things must be endured by them, many unpleasant things must be borne with." Knowledge, wisdom, prudence, to walk circumspectly, carefully, to be understanding towards our wives. When they make us angry, even if we are right that the behavior which our wives are doing is squirrelly, or even outright bad, we must remember that they have weaknesses. They may not look like your weaknesses, men. But she's a woman and not a man, and that's to be expected. Don't get haughty, you have your own weaknesses and your own set of problems that come with those weaknesses. Just remember that you're dealing with a delicate creature in your wife.

Argument #2 says that those same weaknesses that may make us mad sometimes, stem from her feminine nature, THE DIFFERENCES OF WHICH YOU CERTAINLY MUST APPRECIATE! Those "weaknesses" of a woman (when compared to a man) are beautiful, wonderful, ravishing, and are to be cherished, protected, honored, and cared for. No, a woman is not a man, but I don't want to be married to a man either. A flower is not a hammer, and is comparatively weak, but it's much prettier to look at, softer to touch, and smells much better. Verschte?

Argument #3 lets us know that though in regards to their feminine nature, and in regards to the subordinate nature of their duties, they are "weak," yet in the most important issue of salvation in Christ, we are equal. Shall we despise our equals in Christ for their weaknesses in this life? Shame on us.

Argument #4 tells us that all fighting with and yelling at our wives needs to STOP. It serves no purpose but to hinder our spiritual duties.

So let's be more careful to have this knowledge, this prudence, that Scripture would have us have concerning our wives. Let's learn to be gentle with them, and caring towards them, rather than harsh, loud, angry, nasty and unloving.

"Nothing destroys the friendship of life more than contempt; nor can we really love any but those whom we esteem; for love must be connected with respect." -- John Calvin.