World Cup Update

This post consists mostly of a comment I left over at Erica's blog, about all the excitement about World Cup Soccer! Since the streets of America are in such a buzz about the big game this morning between America and Ghana, I decided to turn that comment into post of my own.

WORLD CUP UPDATE!!!

Look, I know that this is the biggest sporting event in the world and everything, but you have to understand something....

Americans don't care.

Americans don't care about soccer. And do you want to know why? Because it's not American. Americans care about REAL sports, like football (no, not soccer; soccer is not football, despite what the entire world thinks; soccer is soccer; FOOTBALL is football; the closest we'll come to acknowledging that soccer is football is to call the table game with the little guys with no legs "fussball"), baseball, and basketball. Americans love football, baseball, and basketball, because those sports are AMERICAN, and we don't care about anything that is un-American. Hockey, the distant 4th sport, being a Canadian invention, is only slightly acknowledged as a real sport -- the vast majority of Americans would rather watch a regular season FOOTBALL game over a playoff hockey game. And NO ONE is taking off work today to watch the American soccer team play Ghana, or Togo, or Quiznos, or whoever else gathered a bunch of guys to run around and kick a ball to an exciting 0-0 tie, or even an amazing 1-0 "blowout." Americans to NOT care about soccer, and they never will. Americans still measure themselves by feet and inches, drive on the right side of the street, can't find Ghana on a map, and are more interested in whether or not Terrell Owens looks good at Dallas Cowboy's mini-camp than they are concerned for soccer, even "American soccer."

One more thing, until American athletes grow up to be soccer players, instead of football, basketball, and baseball players, we will never win a World Cup. Until this country's Dwayne Wades, Derek Jeters, LaDainian Tomlinsons, Brian Urlachers, and
Kevin Garnetts grow up saying "I want to be a soccer player!" we aren't going to win squat. Do you know why the U.S.'s best athletes do not grow up to play soccer? It's because there is no money in soccer, because Americans don't care about soccer.

This has been WORLD CUP UPDATE.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: USA 1, GUANO 2. The streets are filled with crying Americans overturning cars and setting trash dumpsters on fire.