Stupid Survey

I found a survey appearing on some blogs. It was originally 100 questions long, which is too long, especially when some of the questions were more stupid, girly, and even inappropriate than the ones I included in this reduced version. I did not make up any of the questions, I just skipped about 70 of them.

1. Your name spelled backwards: dlareg or yrrej

2. Where were your parents born? I think maybe my mom was born in Jonestown, PA. and pappa was a rollin’ stone so I’m not sure.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded? A picture of a little red rooster puppet.

4. What's your favorite restaurant? Maybe Kclinger’s, maybe the Downtown Lounge, maybe someplace else.

5. Last time you swam in a pool? A pool of what?

6. Have you ever been in a school play? Yeah, I was in The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever, of all things.

7. How many kids do you want? Dozens, if God would so bless me.

8. Type of music you dislike most? The festive Spanish music my neighbors play loudly.

9. Are you registered to vote? I can’t remember. I registered once a long, long time ago. Does his expire?

10. Have you ever ridden on a moped? No. I’ve rarely even seen one.

11. Ever get a parking ticket? Yes, mostly for parking in front of my own home! Tyrants!

12. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Perhaps if someone killed me and did these cruel things with my cold dead body.

13. Farthest place you ever traveled? Oh, Mexico... Cancun.

14. What's your favorite comic strip? Don’t read them. Calvin and Hobbes is clever, I understand.

15. Do you know all the words to your National Anthem? Only the part they sing before baseball games. I’m sure there are verses that are hardly ever sung..

16. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Showers at night, Jerry's delight. Bath in the morn, employer be warned (Jerry's gonna be late for work).

17. Favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni like there’s no tomorrow.

18. Chips or popcorn? Chips. For my British friends, this is asking if you like crisps or popcorn.

19. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? Absolutely yes I have! And the skins too. And an apple leaf.

20. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Only the beauty pageant in my mind, and I finished last.

21. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? The whole tomato? Never, unless someone slipped it in my drink.

22. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes, at a karate sparring competition.

23. Are you a good cook? Boo yeah. I’d ask my family to testify, but they are in a state of euphoria after eating my food and are unable to answer right now.

24. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Where you think I live, New Jersey?

25. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Never once.

26. Ever throw up in public? I do not believe so, but if someone told me that I puked at Hershey Park as a kid I wouldn’t dispute it.

27. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? Can I get half of each, maybe?

28. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, love ain't the word to describe what that is.

29. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Grandma Dorothy, shortly before she passed away, July 2004.

30. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Yes, thick dark hair. A ton of it. Most of my children have been born with the same mop.